Oh yeah...I am counting down baby!

So this time last year I was realizing that I was turning the corner and entering into my late twenties (waaaah right? ) LOL! Really, so lame :-P I have never made a big deal about my birthday, my children however....that is another story! I love celebrating their birthdays! I usually plan a few months in advance (which reminds me I need to get started on Noah's :) ) I love picking out a theme and now that Noah is old enough having him pick out what he likes. Last year he picked a guitar party , we got him his very own personal little man guitar which he has yet to put down. Thinking this year we will get him a case (if we can find one that small) sense he loved taking it with him where ever we go. All that to say I LOVE kid parties :)

One week from today I will be turning 29, now get this...were some start to freak because they are in their last year of being in their twenties, for the first time I am SO excitedfor my birthday coming and getting older. Turning 29 means I am almost 30!!!! Yes, I can't wait tell I am 30!!! Why? Because 30 years old is the magic age for when a dossier can be logged into China! This is the country that has been on our hearts and we will start our path to finding Selah! This time next year we will be paperchasing and completing a homestudy (which makes up the dossier). Once all things are gathered and both Nathan and I are 30 we will receive a LID (log in date) and will be another step closer to our Selah Joy :) For now we wait to wait as I like to call it. However I pray I will use this time wisely as we prepare, educate and advocate. Every child deserves a loving family! Maybe not all are called to adopt but we are all called to defend the fatherless.


I can't help but wonder where she is. Is she born yet or is she in her mother's womb. I pray God's protection over her. That she will remain safe. That the hands that will care for her will be compasonaite and she will find favor. That God would be filling her even now with peace, for whatever she has gone through or will go through. I pray for her mother, only God knows what she has gone through or will go through. I pray for her mother just as much as I pray for Selah. God knows her name, her heart, her pain. I have great excitment but how can I forget adoption comes with tragady and pain. In the end I pray for GLORY for all! With Jesus there is GLORY :) Sweet Jesus go before us!

Building Towers of disappointment

Building Towers of disappointment...this was a message given a couple weeks ago at my church Austin Stone on Genesis 11. If you have the time check it out! It is truly worth listening to :)

http://www.austinstone.org/resources/sermons

This is the gest....Ever wonder why you sin? Why you can't just stop? Even though you love God and desire to follow him on any given day sin will be there staring you in the face. So what do we do...we try to stop sinning..which is treating the symptom and not the source. We need to get to get to the source if we are really want the power to over come it. What is so appealing about sin?

Using the Tower of Babel as an example, why did the people find the need and satisfaction in building this great and mighty tower? We can find some of these reasons in our own life for satisfying ourselves with sin.

1.A sense of home
2.A sense of greatness
3.A name for ourselves

We were created to have these desires and to have them met! They are not bad. We look for these things and long for them because we once had it all...in garden of Eden before sin. Our home is with God, our greatness is with God, God knows our name!So why do we sin...because we try to meet those needs/longings with other things that only God can fill!

We all long for significance.

Psalm 139:17 How precious also are your thoughts towards me,O God! How fast are the sum of them! If I should count them they would outnumber the sand. When I awake I am still with Thee.

How comforting is that? I would be THRILLED if God thought of me even once a day! Oh how He loves us...His thoughts twards us we can't even count. Who will ever love us that much? The good, the bad and ugly and He still thinks of me! He still loves me!

Our number one purpose in life is to know Him! Not to find our soul satisfaction in our goals, our degrees , our relationships or possessions.It's not wrong at all to enjoy these things or desire them BUT when we rely on them to satisfy us, give us our self worth they become an idol unknowingly, an idol that will never satisfy and leave us with disappointment wanting for more . We are to find our satisfaction in Him! He is more than enough for me :)

The Stirring Of My Heart!

How is it that my feet have not been on this ground more than 5 minutes and I have witnessed a miracle? I came off a plane with a hope filled heart. Saw a symbol of peace, watched an event that confirmed my hearts desire and when looking forward my heart was stirred for more.  I could have been on any other given flight at any given time. Yet we got here at just the right time! His timing is perfect. God help me remember this on this long journey ahead! The rest of the trip would prove it is not all about the emotional high....they are many low points and especially for the  children from hard places.

We got out of the main airport and into the ground transportation area. Originally we planned to take a shuttle to our hotel (renting a car was out of the question $$$ )and sense the hotel said the would provide transportation to the conference we really only needed a ride to and from the airport (or so we thought). We checked in with the Taxi service first...hmmmm more than the shuttle online quote, so we went over to the shuttle service. Hello! That is the same price as the Taxi and w/ the Taxi we would could leave right then, just the two of us, no waiting on other stops along the way. So taxi it was! The service guy asked if we were newlyweds...LOL!  No, just two parents of two getting away for the first time! I could only imagine the look/comments we would have got had we said our first time away is centered around adopting! Ok so first time in a taxi...it was clean, smelled of burning incense and the music was assortment of indian tunes. It was a quiet ride to the hotel, I was taking in how beautiful MN is! Pine trees.....I miss pine trees! Maybe I am still floating on my emotional high from the airport but my spirit is at complete rest. Or maybe it's that Texas has taught me home is not where you live it is attitude, a spirit. I already miss my kiddos like crazy! However I know they are having a blast with Gram! I later find out that they had fun at 31 flavors  .31 cent scoop day. Later at the park Noah needed to use the potty but there was none in sight and no one in sight so his Auntie taught him how to go pee the nature way (Ahhhhhh!) I guess he must have been disturbed by it because he later mentioned that he did not want to go in the grass ever again. LOL!

                                             Looks like Madelynn had her fair share of fun :)

                                Can you see the sugar trance Noah is in! Thanks Aunt Jess!

  After settling in at the hotel we walked down the road to a nearby restaurant.



Only to order BBQ of course! LOL! It was yum! 

We also meet up with a really cool guy Jason Kovacs  at dinner ;) He is a pastor at our church and also works with this great organization http://www.abbafund.org/which helps adopting parents with interest free loans. It was really great meeting up with him and getting to hang with him throughout the rest of the trip! It was an amazing start to our trip and the conference had yet to begin!

to be continued .....

John Piper closing message @ Summit

I have been SO excited to share what I have learned, I hope I can do the speakers justice! It's taking a while to process it all. My brain was feeling like MUSH and I am slowly recovering! I wanted to start with John Piper first, he was the last speaker of the event and the message he shared really is a great place to start!

Things started of with a Q&A w/ John Piper. One of the questions asked was "How as women we can get our husbands on board with adoption?" There was a lot of chuckles in the audience.  His response was that "First men need to understand the Fatherhood of God" that "fatherhood is built into the very nature of the universe." and the universe is the story of the Father's love for his Son. Men need to get on board with fatherhood before they get on board with adoption." He counted the cost.... God poured Himself out for us! Now talk about a GOOD dad! We too need to count the cost (Luke 14:25-33) and learn from the greatest Father out there!

Another question asked "Do you see a tension/conflict in the cause between the passion for the cause of the fatherless and discipleship? His response : Yes. There are tensions everywhere!( This was said in a load kinda scolding way, however a very needed :) ) The most commonly used verse used by orphan care advocates is James 1:27 . But many of us stop with "to visit orphans and widows in their affliction" and don't continue with "keep oneself unstained by the world" OUCH! That is true....many times we lean more twords one or the other. We need both, His word says so. To be unstained from the world  is not to carry a  holier than though attitude, it's not about others! It is about Him and for Him! Apart from Christ our righteousness is filthy rags.

John Piper went on to say how we (Christians) get into each others faces with our tensions that we are passionate about when really we need to hold ourselves together! I have to add an AMEN here! Nathan and I  talk about how we did not know becoming parents would be so controversial, home birth vs. hospital birth, breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, cloth diapers vs. disposables etc. etc etc. Then all of a sudden these things becomes an issue of faith??? God help us! Pastor John goes on to say that from the moment we put our faith in Christ everything we do we do BY FAITH! That He is on our side 100% because of CHRIST! He is on my side, not "my virtue" . What comforting words to hear! Amen???

He goes on to teach about Hebrews 11:29-38 (The "By faith..." passages) That Paul said I die everyday! Not looking for a perfect life here, our perfect life is to come! what gets me is this:

 By faith ...Some will escape, by faith....some will die. By faith some will be experience miracles and some will experience great suffering. However HE will sustain our faith!

God is better than what life can give and what death can take! He is always with us, and for us! We need to keep our eyes on Him! He is our happy ending adoption story! 

The start to our trip...

Before we left for the Christian Orphan Alliance Summit we had two prayers requests 1. That we would leave knowing where we are adopting from. My heart has been so pulled for China. I did not want to start this process doing what "I" wanted if God had something different. #2 What agency we were to go with. The more I research the more I realize that finding an agency feels like dating all over again! I just want to find "the one" :) Most important though we really just want God to confirm again that this is His desire for our family. It's like what Jeff Mangum spoke about on Sunday at church. When going over and understanding the genealogy of Christ. It not only shows the history of Christs linage but it shows God's faithfulness to His promise. It shows that despite the messed up and broken people in there that HE remains faithful forever and always! Jeff was talking about how his daughter will pull out her baby book over and over and over again. Looking at the pictures wanting to hear the stories even though she knows them ALL, she is comforted and reassured and finds joy in hearing them told again. This message was comforting to me because that is where I am at right now. I can't deny the faithfulness of God in my life. How He has got us this far and yet I find myself asking Him for more and more reassurance. The amazing thing is....He is happy to oblige! His word is a lamp unto my feet and and a light unto my path. He places people in my life, events that show me

" YES I am here" "I am with you". I love that He does it too often when we are not expecting it. Our prayer was to leave the Summit with extra confirmation. He decided to not wait and give it to us before we even began the Summit!

We landed in MN and we stepped foot into the airport I looked off to left. There, in a nearby window was a reflection of a rainbow. This made me smile and I pointed it out to Nathan. Rainbows have always been special to me. Whenever I have ever gone through a rough or scary time I am always caught of guard by a rainbow, it speaks deeply to me. I feel God say " I promise, I am with you" and I am comforted. A few moments and steps later our breath was taken away we witnessed an adoption homecoming right before us! The little girl was welcomed with flowers and balloons, signs scribbled in crayon saying "Welcome Home Sallie!" Of course I start to cry! To see outpouring of love for this sweet girl... as we passed them I just could not keep my tear filled eyes off them. When I could not stretch my neck back any further, I turned to look forward and right in front of me starring back, face to face and in the arms of her daddy was a little Asian girl. The lump in my throat got even harder to hold. I have not even left the airport yet and I am going to be a bawling mess! As we continued to walk (with this sweet little girl right in front of me)I just kept praying " Really God?!? What are the odds that all these events would line up like this? You are really here! Thank you God! I can't believe this, but thank you!" What was happening in my heart at that moment can't even be put into words but I know God was at work!

To be continued....

Lead me.....

Some see being "led" as a sign of weakness...I see it as a sign of great strength! It takes a lot of strength to not not dig your heels in and shout "Stop!" Or "No, go this way!" It is not easy when you really just don't understand what God is doing and where it will all lead. I am not perfect and there are those times I do dig my heels in, but He is so good and He leads me with love and kindness. Over time fear turns to trust. When you can look back and see He has been faithful in the past it becomes easier to trust Him in the future. It all begins with a first step though.



Back in December Nathan and I were talking in the car one night on our way back home from visiting family. The dream of Selah was on my mind and Nathan had mentioned how much more we had been talking about it this year then the years before. As we were talking a song came on the radio that I had heard before and loved. "Bless the broken road" usually sang by Rascal Flatts. This time it was a different group singing, same song just as beautiful but this time it was different as I listened to the words "Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were just northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms...God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you." My heart filled with joy once again I turned to Nathan and said " That's her song!" Just like my other kiddos, God put a song on my heart while I was pregnant with them. It was "their" song. Here in the car holding Nathan's hand, he squeezed my hand and smiled. When the song ended the radio host came on saying "Bless the broken road" song by Selah!!! I bursted into tears! I can't even describe to you the feelings that overflowed from my heart and body! HIS presence was made known in the JOY and great PEACE that filled that car! He was still with us and leading us and preparing us for the steps ahead.



I found myself praying more and more for Nathan. We together had always agreed on adoption to be apart of our family but I found myself praying that God would lay it on Nathan's heart more. That HE would bring it up more, I needed God to lead his heart on this, not me. I decided not to bring it up anymore, just pray! January 11th Nathan and I went on a much needed date night :) We visted the resturante we use to frequent before we had kiddos. It was a nice evening and before the end of dinner Nathan brought up that he thought it was time to start seriously looking into and starting the adoption process. He said that although he did not feel ready right that second, he did not want to wait tell he "felt" ready because adoption can take a number of years. You would think I would feel overwhelming excitment hearing him say this....but I was scared! OH MY....is this really happening??? I went to sleep praying God would lead us and show us the way!



The next day, January 12th was a day that the world would not forgot. Haiti was struck by a 7.0 earthquake. My thought instantly went to a family in our church who was in the process of adopting their son from Haiti. I was glued to their blogs and the blog of the rescue center in where he stayed. My heart felt broken and I could not believe what my eyes and ears where hearing. I prayed and cried for this family and for all the people that were connected to this tragady round the clock. My heart especially went out to all the already orphaned children and now the ones to come. In the midst of staying up to date on the rescue center one of the ladies that runs it posted a blog on Jan 15th titled " I am". In the blog she was describing all that what happening around them and was asking for prayer for all the needs and struggles they faced. Twords the end of her blog something caught my eye before I got to finish reading it. She had posted this...




I think my heart shot into my throat and then into my stomach! She went on to say how that CD was playing round the clock at the rescue center and brought them so much peace :)It took me a second to realize this must be the CD cover, it could have been a picture of my girl as far as my heart was concerned! Little does she know that she was used by God so greatly in my life by posting what she did. I can't deny that God is with us and leading us!


For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Ephesians 2 :10


This is just one of many moments that have taken my breath away. I have to remind myself of them when fear creeps in. That this was all prepared beforehand for us to walk into. Of course these blessed moments seem to be followed by some sort of emotion attack , physical attack or financial to discourage us. I will have to go into all that later, that is a story for another time! I am also not blissfully unaware of the hardships that come with adopting, believe me I have been reading up and watching others who have walked the road before me. I am not going to lie it can really scare me! However we have to choose to look up, keep our eyes off ourselves and our plans and ways and trust Him and to trust Him to lead us...after all He is the one who prepared it all beforehand :) I would rather be led by Him and live in His peace, than to be anywhere else!

A dream of a teenager.....

I have never forgot it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, the little one in my dream. A teenager my main concerns were church, friends and well....boys! I don't remember the exact year or what all was going on in my life at that time but I will never forget what I felt and saw. Asleep in the comfort of my bed I dreamed.In what seemed another country the land looked destroyed, like a war had just taken place. There was no one in sight. There was rubble everywhere, the air was thick like a thick fog. I heard a faint cry and looked down. There she was a little toddler girl, alone. I immediately picked her up and she wrapped her arms around me and I around her! In that moment I experienced something that my little teenage heart had never felt, it was LOVE. A deeper love than I had ever known! It was overpowering and it was beautiful, it was a mother's love for her child! In that moment she was mine. My girl! I kept saying it over and over " My girl, my girl! I love you!" I carried her around, attached to my hip. Taking care of her, protecting her, loving her. Some government soldiers appeared and said I could not keep her. I kept crying "But she's mine!" They said because I was a single woman I could not keep her. I held onto her so tight and she clung to me and then.......I woke up.

In a panic, I sat straight up my heart racing and still overflowing with my love for her I searched around me "Where is she??? It was just a dream? Nooo!!!" It was so real! It was more real than anything ever was to me. I laid back down and cried and begged God to return me to that dream. To return me to her. I cried myself to sleep mourning.

The weeks following I was so shaken up. I was mourning for her and I felt it so hard to function. Then one day I was reading in Psalms and one word stoped me in my tracks, one simple word and I was covered in peace and joy. Selah. I felt God speak to me that one day I would find her through adoption and her name would be Selah....Selah Joy!

Selah ...to stop,ponder, lift up. Joy...gladness.

Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be made known before men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing but through prayer and supplication make you request be made know to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7


Fast forward to now.....God has brought me the most amazing husband ever, Nathan!

He is my very best friend! We are super sappy and silly! Wither it be a spontaneous slow dance in the kitchen or me yelling "Run baby run!" At 5:00 am on black Friday. We will have been married 6 years in April and it just seems like yesterday and yet forever :) We were given two beautiful children together, Noah and Madelynn! They have filled our lives with great love and laughter. Children are built in entertainment! Who needs the movies???

Noah is our little worship leader. From one year he was "singing" along during worship time with a little pudgy dimpled hand raised. None stop singing and playing his guitar he will preform for anyone who will listen! Boy do I love that guy! Madelynn our little surprise,she can be oh so serious sucking away on that little thumb of hers. The next minute she is singing and dances along with Noah and she knows how to melt hearts!

Never forgetting Selah (we saved her name for just her). She was not born from my body but conceived in my heart. I also hear testaments of people who start out adoption w/ a girl in mind but end up bringing home a boy :) Or changing where they adopt from or how many! Who knows...maybe we will adopt more! Ahaha! I can here the gasps! Yesterday I put in a request at Holt international for an information packet on China and Korea and application! Next week I will hopefully be talking with someone from Holt to help us with some questions and details. I have been asked by some loved ones how we can afford this? You know...we really can't. I heard something like 80-90% of people who adopt can't afford it. That is where God comes in :) I have found my self saying this often "I don't know what the future holds but I know HE who holds the future!

So thanks for making it this far on my first blog entry :-D Hopefully I can spruce this place up and make it my own home sweet home!