Back in December Nathan and I were talking in the car one night on our way back home from visiting family. The dream of Selah was on my mind and Nathan had mentioned how much more we had been talking about it this year then the years before. As we were talking a song came on the radio that I had heard before and loved. "Bless the broken road" usually sang by Rascal Flatts. This time it was a different group singing, same song just as beautiful but this time it was different as I listened to the words "Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were just northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms...God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you." My heart filled with joy once again I turned to Nathan and said " That's her song!" Just like my other kiddos, God put a song on my heart while I was pregnant with them. It was "their" song. Here in the car holding Nathan's hand, he squeezed my hand and smiled. When the song ended the radio host came on saying "Bless the broken road" song by Selah!!! I bursted into tears! I can't even describe to you the feelings that overflowed from my heart and body! HIS presence was made known in the JOY and great PEACE that filled that car! He was still with us and leading us and preparing us for the steps ahead.
I found myself praying more and more for Nathan. We together had always agreed on adoption to be apart of our family but I found myself praying that God would lay it on Nathan's heart more. That HE would bring it up more, I needed God to lead his heart on this, not me. I decided not to bring it up anymore, just pray! January 11th Nathan and I went on a much needed date night :) We visted the resturante we use to frequent before we had kiddos. It was a nice evening and before the end of dinner Nathan brought up that he thought it was time to start seriously looking into and starting the adoption process. He said that although he did not feel ready right that second, he did not want to wait tell he "felt" ready because adoption can take a number of years. You would think I would feel overwhelming excitment hearing him say this....but I was scared! OH MY....is this really happening??? I went to sleep praying God would lead us and show us the way!
The next day, January 12th was a day that the world would not forgot. Haiti was struck by a 7.0 earthquake. My thought instantly went to a family in our church who was in the process of adopting their son from Haiti. I was glued to their blogs and the blog of the rescue center in where he stayed. My heart felt broken and I could not believe what my eyes and ears where hearing. I prayed and cried for this family and for all the people that were connected to this tragady round the clock. My heart especially went out to all the already orphaned children and now the ones to come. In the midst of staying up to date on the rescue center one of the ladies that runs it posted a blog on Jan 15th titled " I am". In the blog she was describing all that what happening around them and was asking for prayer for all the needs and struggles they faced. Twords the end of her blog something caught my eye before I got to finish reading it. She had posted this...
I think my heart shot into my throat and then into my stomach! She went on to say how that CD was playing round the clock at the rescue center and brought them so much peace :)It took me a second to realize this must be the CD cover, it could have been a picture of my girl as far as my heart was concerned! Little does she know that she was used by God so greatly in my life by posting what she did. I can't deny that God is with us and leading us!
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
Ephesians 2 :10
This is just one of many moments that have taken my breath away. I have to remind myself of them when fear creeps in. That this was all prepared beforehand for us to walk into. Of course these blessed moments seem to be followed by some sort of emotion attack , physical attack or financial to discourage us. I will have to go into all that later, that is a story for another time! I am also not blissfully unaware of the hardships that come with adopting, believe me I have been reading up and watching others who have walked the road before me. I am not going to lie it can really scare me! However we have to choose to look up, keep our eyes off ourselves and our plans and ways and trust Him and to trust Him to lead us...after all He is the one who prepared it all beforehand :) I would rather be led by Him and live in His peace, than to be anywhere else!
