I have never forgot it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, the little one in my dream. A teenager my main concerns were church, friends and well....boys! I don't remember the exact year or what all was going on in my life at that time but I will never forget what I felt and saw. Asleep in the comfort of my bed I dreamed.In what seemed another country the land looked destroyed, like a war had just taken place. There was no one in sight. There was rubble everywhere, the air was thick like a thick fog. I heard a faint cry and looked down. There she was a little toddler girl, alone. I immediately picked her up and she wrapped her arms around me and I around her! In that moment I experienced something that my little teenage heart had never felt, it was LOVE. A deeper love than I had ever known! It was overpowering and it was beautiful, it was a mother's love for her child! In that moment she was mine. My girl! I kept saying it over and over " My girl, my girl! I love you!" I carried her around, attached to my hip. Taking care of her, protecting her, loving her. Some government soldiers appeared and said I could not keep her. I kept crying "But she's mine!" They said because I was a single woman I could not keep her. I held onto her so tight and she clung to me and then.......I woke up.
In a panic, I sat straight up my heart racing and still overflowing with my love for her I searched around me "Where is she??? It was just a dream? Nooo!!!" It was so real! It was more real than anything ever was to me. I laid back down and cried and begged God to return me to that dream. To return me to her. I cried myself to sleep mourning.
The weeks following I was so shaken up. I was mourning for her and I felt it so hard to function. Then one day I was reading in Psalms and one word stoped me in my tracks, one simple word and I was covered in peace and joy. Selah. I felt God speak to me that one day I would find her through adoption and her name would be Selah....Selah Joy!
Selah ...to stop,ponder, lift up. Joy...gladness.
Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be made known before men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing but through prayer and supplication make you request be made know to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7
Fast forward to now.....God has brought me the most amazing husband ever, Nathan!
He is my very best friend! We are super sappy and silly! Wither it be a spontaneous slow dance in the kitchen or me yelling "Run baby run!" At 5:00 am on black Friday. We will have been married 6 years in April and it just seems like yesterday and yet forever :) We were given two beautiful children together, Noah and Madelynn! They have filled our lives with great love and laughter. Children are built in entertainment! Who needs the movies???
Noah is our little worship leader. From one year he was "singing" along during worship time with a little pudgy dimpled hand raised. None stop singing and playing his guitar he will preform for anyone who will listen! Boy do I love that guy!
Madelynn our little surprise,she can be oh so serious sucking away on that little thumb of hers. The next minute she is singing and dances along with Noah and she knows how to melt hearts!
Never forgetting Selah (we saved her name for just her). She was not born from my body but conceived in my heart. I also hear testaments of people who start out adoption w/ a girl in mind but end up bringing home a boy :) Or changing where they adopt from or how many! Who knows...maybe we will adopt more! Ahaha! I can here the gasps! Yesterday I put in a request at Holt international for an information packet on China and Korea and application! Next week I will hopefully be talking with someone from Holt to help us with some questions and details. I have been asked by some loved ones how we can afford this? You know...we really can't. I heard something like 80-90% of people who adopt can't afford it. That is where God comes in :) I have found my self saying this often "I don't know what the future holds but I know HE who holds the future!
So thanks for making it this far on my first blog entry :-D Hopefully I can spruce this place up and make it my own home sweet home!
Madelynn our little surprise,she can be oh so serious sucking away on that little thumb of hers. The next minute she is singing and dances along with Noah and she knows how to melt hearts!
Never forgetting Selah (we saved her name for just her). She was not born from my body but conceived in my heart. I also hear testaments of people who start out adoption w/ a girl in mind but end up bringing home a boy :) Or changing where they adopt from or how many! Who knows...maybe we will adopt more! Ahaha! I can here the gasps! Yesterday I put in a request at Holt international for an information packet on China and Korea and application! Next week I will hopefully be talking with someone from Holt to help us with some questions and details. I have been asked by some loved ones how we can afford this? You know...we really can't. I heard something like 80-90% of people who adopt can't afford it. That is where God comes in :) I have found my self saying this often "I don't know what the future holds but I know HE who holds the future!
So thanks for making it this far on my first blog entry :-D Hopefully I can spruce this place up and make it my own home sweet home!
