I am going to let y'all in on a little secret. Actually if you know me it is not a secret at all. I don't mind talking about it with people and I hope and pray my experience can help others. However I will confess I have been reluctant to share this on my blog. I have been worried about how this will impact our adoption process and the more I have been praying about it the more I feel the need for transparency. I believe God is at work here in our adoption story and I don't want to hinder His work by getting my hands in there and trying to make things happen on my own. I want those who will be supporting us to know the full story of what we face. I will need your prayers and encouragement along the way. I want GOD to get the FULL GLORY for the work HE will do!
I have faced this computer screen many nights typing... deleting, typing....deleting. Why is this so hard for me to share this? Maybe because I have searched google many nights, looking for an adoption blog similar to my story only to find none. I am comfortable putting my story "out there" to my family and friends that surround me, but putting something so personal out there for the world to see ... not that the whole world is reading but you know what I mean. I just can't deny the nagging at my heart. "Tell your story...all of it". Maybe it's a little humbling....ok not a little ALOT! Maybe He wants to reach out to someone who is out there searching blogs just like me...I don't know, but I trust Him. He can write my story!
So....what's this secret? I have had 4 seizures in my life. They have been spread out over the past 10 years and all have been triggered by sleep deprivation and stress until the last one when I was 5 months pregnant with Madelynn. That is when we (my doctor and I) decided it was time to start seizure medication. We needed to focus on getting through the rest of my pregnancy with out it happening again. I always said Madelynn was our miracle baby. In the beginning I was told my pregnancy was "No good" by a nurse because at my first ultrasound she could not be seen, just the sack. My "numbers were too high for there not to be a baby". My doctor later reassured me that I must not be as far along as I thought I was (even though my numbers indicated other wise). Needless to say I thought it was over. Imagine my shock when the next ultrasound came around and up on the screen in the teeny tiny corner is a little baby bean! "Is that....is that...is that my baby???" I asked. Chocking back sobs. She pulled the image closer. Flicker, flicker, flicker......"Is that a heartbeat?!?" I cried. "It sure is." the tech said. I completely lost it and started to bawl and shout praises to the Lord "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus!" I am teary eyed even now thinking back at the miracle of Madelynn's beginning. So when I had my last seizure when I was pregnant with Madelynn and I knew she was ok, again I praised God, He had protected her ,my miracle baby AGAIN! And YES , He protected me again!
I have now been seizure free for two years. While I feel great about this and I have always felt great and never let this affect my life or let it label me, for the first time I have felt labeled by it. Who would have thought it would have come via the adoption journey. Who would have thought just four moments in my life would make such an impact. Thinking back to the dream God gave me as a teenager ( and if you are just joining in, skip back to my first blog entry to read about that dream). In my dream I remember the government official telling me "No" that I could not adopt Selah. The reason he gave was because I was single. At that time I was single. I did not realize how foretelling this dream would be of the opposition I would face one day. I would be told "No" in a sense....not because I was single but because of a few seizures, which is a disqualification in China's requirements.
So why would we pursue China if we don't meet their requirements you might ask? Because I believe God can move mountains! I can't describe to you the feeling that is in my heart for this country, and believe me I have tried to look else where, for an "easier" route. My heart is always lead back and I am reassured that God will fight for us. He knows where our Selah is and I will follow Him. If for whatever reason the door should close here I will not loose heart, I will follow where He leads. There is a purpose to this journey, He is writing a story and may His name be glorified!
So with all that said, we have some good news! We have decided on an agency that knows our situation and will advocate for us! Would you join with us in prayer? Let's move some mountains together!
"With God ALL things are possible"
Matt 19:26
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth." Isiah 42:16
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things, at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work."
2 Corinthians 9:8
Where do we go from here? We are still waiting to wait as far as getting to start our paper work. We have been told the earliest we can start is Feb next year due to our age. What we NEED to start focusing on is fundraising! The first goal is our agency/ home study fees which will equal $4600. So we are going to kick off our adoption fundraisers with good old fashion YARD SALE!!! More details to come ...please stay tuned!
