Where we are at...........

I am going to let y'all in on a little secret. Actually if you know me it is not a secret at all. I don't mind talking about it with people and I hope and pray my experience can help others. However I will confess I have been reluctant to share this on my blog. I have been worried about how this will impact our adoption process and the more I have been praying about it the more I feel the need for transparency. I believe God is at work here in our adoption story and I don't want to hinder His work by getting my hands in there and trying to make things happen on my own. I want those who will be supporting us to know the full story of what we face. I will need your prayers and encouragement along the way. I want GOD to get the FULL GLORY for the work HE will do!

I have faced this computer screen many nights typing... deleting, typing....deleting. Why is this so hard for me to share this? Maybe because I have searched google many nights, looking for an adoption blog similar to my story only to find none. I am comfortable putting my story "out there" to my family and friends that surround me, but putting something so personal out there for the world to see ... not that the whole world is reading but you know what I mean. I just can't deny the nagging at my heart. "Tell your story...all of it". Maybe it's a little humbling....ok not a little ALOT! Maybe He wants to reach out to someone who is out there searching blogs just like me...I don't know, but I trust Him. He can write my story!

So....what's this secret? I have had 4 seizures in my life. They have been spread out over the past 10 years and all have been triggered by sleep deprivation and stress until the last one when I was 5 months pregnant with Madelynn. That is when we (my doctor and I) decided it was time to start seizure medication. We needed to focus on getting through the rest of my pregnancy with out it happening again. I always said Madelynn was our miracle baby. In the beginning I was told my pregnancy was "No good" by a nurse because at my first ultrasound she could not be seen, just the sack. My "numbers were too high for there not to be a baby". My doctor later reassured me that I must not be as far along as I thought I was (even though my numbers indicated other wise). Needless to say I thought it was over. Imagine my shock when the next ultrasound came around and up on the screen in the teeny tiny corner is a little baby bean! "Is that....is that...is that my baby???" I asked. Chocking back sobs. She pulled the image closer. Flicker, flicker, flicker......"Is that a heartbeat?!?" I cried. "It sure is." the tech said. I completely lost it and started to bawl and shout praises to the Lord "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus!" I am teary eyed even now thinking back at the miracle of Madelynn's beginning. So when I had my last seizure when I was pregnant with Madelynn and I knew she was ok, again I praised God, He had protected her ,my miracle baby AGAIN! And YES , He protected me again!

I have now been seizure free for two years. While I feel great about this and I have always felt great and never let this affect my life or let it label me, for the first time I have felt labeled by it. Who would have thought it would have come via the adoption journey. Who would have thought just four moments in my life would make such an impact. Thinking back to the dream God gave me as a teenager ( and if you are just joining in, skip back to my first blog entry to read about that dream). In my dream I remember the government official telling me "No" that I could not adopt Selah. The reason he gave was because I was single. At that time I was single. I did not realize how foretelling this dream would be of the opposition I would face one day. I would be told "No" in a sense....not because I was single but because of a few seizures, which is a disqualification in China's requirements.


So why would we pursue China if we don't meet their requirements you might ask? Because I believe God can move mountains! I can't describe to you the feeling that is in my heart for this country, and believe me I have tried to look else where, for an "easier" route. My heart is always lead back and I am reassured that God will fight for us. He knows where our Selah is and I will follow Him. If for whatever reason the door should close here I will not loose heart, I will follow where He leads. There is a purpose to this journey, He is writing a story and may His name be glorified!

So with all that said, we have some good news! We have decided on an agency that knows our situation and will advocate for us! Would you join with us in prayer? Let's move some mountains together!


"With God ALL things are possible"
Matt 19:26


"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth." Isiah 42:16

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things, at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work."
2 Corinthians 9:8


Where do we go from here? We are still waiting to wait as far as getting to start our paper work. We have been told the earliest we can start is Feb next year due to our age. What we NEED to start focusing on is fundraising! The first goal is our agency/ home study fees which will equal $4600. So we are going to kick off our adoption fundraisers with good old fashion YARD SALE!!! More details to come ...please stay tuned!

A Divine Appointment

Who would have thought going to Chic-fil-@ for some free A/C playscape playtime would bring about something so amazing?!? I tell you who...God! I love how He works!

So as I said we went to Chic-fil-@ so the kids could play, this was not our local Chic-fil-@ but one in a town over as we had stopped at the library in that town first. We met a sweet little guy there named Jacob and the kids had a blast together. He said he wished he had a little brother named Noah , I asked him if he had any brothers and sisters and he said no. Thoughts start running through my head I wondered if I met his mom maybe she would be interested in getting together to play. As we were about to leave he asked if we came there often and when would we be coming back (Awwwwe......). I knew I needed to meet his mom. I asked him to point her out she was sitting just outside the room at the tables talking with his Grandma. When I got closer I noticed she was wearing a "Help Haiti" T-shirt!



For those that don't know these shirts were started by our worship leader after the earth quake hit Haiti. They had just adopted their daughter from Haiti but were still waiting on the adoption of their son to go through (which was being held up by red tape) when the quake hit. While fighting to find a way to bring their son home they came out with these shirts and 100% of the profits go to serving the people of Haiti.You can check it all out here http://helphaitishirt.com/

Anyways already feeling the connection I introduce my self and we get to chit chatting and she mentions that they are in the process of adopting! I asked her if she knew about the adoption conference in October that our church is hosting http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?p=7165 and she says she does! That they know the Ivey's (our worship leader) and Matt Carter (our pastor @ the stone) SMALL WORLD! We talk some more I told her of our plans to adopt from China through the waiting child program. Here is the kicker....her husband is the pastor at Riverstone and they JUST had team get back from China who were serving at an orphanage and THIS Sunday they would be presenting on it!!!You could have knocked me over with a feather! She went on to say that many of the children were still on the waiting child list and adoptable. We exchanged phone numbers and we have been chatting through f@cebook, we have become instant friends and it feels like we have known each other forever!

So today we came to their church and it was such a blessing! The young man who shared about the trip really blessed my heart. He shared on behalf of the group videos and pictures and stories, his open heart, humility and honesty tugged so heavily on my heart. The strong point of the message was suffering. Which could not have been anymore perfect. It seems this subject seems to have been coming up a lot in our lives lately and I think it is often misunderstood. It was a great message that made you look into your own heart and reflect and refocus.I am going to devote a separate blog to this message because it was so good and SO NEEDED!

I just can't believe (but I can ;) ) how amazing God is to work and connect people and hearts. Ever sense we took the first step in this journey God has been surrounding and sending people and events in our lives like this. He is spurring our hearts on and answering those prayers for signs and confirmations. My prayer is that we too can be that for others in this journey.Never ending... even after all is said and done and Selah Joy is home and in our arms.

Oh yeah...I am counting down baby!

So this time last year I was realizing that I was turning the corner and entering into my late twenties (waaaah right? ) LOL! Really, so lame :-P I have never made a big deal about my birthday, my children however....that is another story! I love celebrating their birthdays! I usually plan a few months in advance (which reminds me I need to get started on Noah's :) ) I love picking out a theme and now that Noah is old enough having him pick out what he likes. Last year he picked a guitar party , we got him his very own personal little man guitar which he has yet to put down. Thinking this year we will get him a case (if we can find one that small) sense he loved taking it with him where ever we go. All that to say I LOVE kid parties :)

One week from today I will be turning 29, now get this...were some start to freak because they are in their last year of being in their twenties, for the first time I am SO excitedfor my birthday coming and getting older. Turning 29 means I am almost 30!!!! Yes, I can't wait tell I am 30!!! Why? Because 30 years old is the magic age for when a dossier can be logged into China! This is the country that has been on our hearts and we will start our path to finding Selah! This time next year we will be paperchasing and completing a homestudy (which makes up the dossier). Once all things are gathered and both Nathan and I are 30 we will receive a LID (log in date) and will be another step closer to our Selah Joy :) For now we wait to wait as I like to call it. However I pray I will use this time wisely as we prepare, educate and advocate. Every child deserves a loving family! Maybe not all are called to adopt but we are all called to defend the fatherless.


I can't help but wonder where she is. Is she born yet or is she in her mother's womb. I pray God's protection over her. That she will remain safe. That the hands that will care for her will be compasonaite and she will find favor. That God would be filling her even now with peace, for whatever she has gone through or will go through. I pray for her mother, only God knows what she has gone through or will go through. I pray for her mother just as much as I pray for Selah. God knows her name, her heart, her pain. I have great excitment but how can I forget adoption comes with tragady and pain. In the end I pray for GLORY for all! With Jesus there is GLORY :) Sweet Jesus go before us!

Building Towers of disappointment

Building Towers of disappointment...this was a message given a couple weeks ago at my church Austin Stone on Genesis 11. If you have the time check it out! It is truly worth listening to :)

http://www.austinstone.org/resources/sermons

This is the gest....Ever wonder why you sin? Why you can't just stop? Even though you love God and desire to follow him on any given day sin will be there staring you in the face. So what do we do...we try to stop sinning..which is treating the symptom and not the source. We need to get to get to the source if we are really want the power to over come it. What is so appealing about sin?

Using the Tower of Babel as an example, why did the people find the need and satisfaction in building this great and mighty tower? We can find some of these reasons in our own life for satisfying ourselves with sin.

1.A sense of home
2.A sense of greatness
3.A name for ourselves

We were created to have these desires and to have them met! They are not bad. We look for these things and long for them because we once had it all...in garden of Eden before sin. Our home is with God, our greatness is with God, God knows our name!So why do we sin...because we try to meet those needs/longings with other things that only God can fill!

We all long for significance.

Psalm 139:17 How precious also are your thoughts towards me,O God! How fast are the sum of them! If I should count them they would outnumber the sand. When I awake I am still with Thee.

How comforting is that? I would be THRILLED if God thought of me even once a day! Oh how He loves us...His thoughts twards us we can't even count. Who will ever love us that much? The good, the bad and ugly and He still thinks of me! He still loves me!

Our number one purpose in life is to know Him! Not to find our soul satisfaction in our goals, our degrees , our relationships or possessions.It's not wrong at all to enjoy these things or desire them BUT when we rely on them to satisfy us, give us our self worth they become an idol unknowingly, an idol that will never satisfy and leave us with disappointment wanting for more . We are to find our satisfaction in Him! He is more than enough for me :)

The Stirring Of My Heart!

How is it that my feet have not been on this ground more than 5 minutes and I have witnessed a miracle? I came off a plane with a hope filled heart. Saw a symbol of peace, watched an event that confirmed my hearts desire and when looking forward my heart was stirred for more.  I could have been on any other given flight at any given time. Yet we got here at just the right time! His timing is perfect. God help me remember this on this long journey ahead! The rest of the trip would prove it is not all about the emotional high....they are many low points and especially for the  children from hard places.

We got out of the main airport and into the ground transportation area. Originally we planned to take a shuttle to our hotel (renting a car was out of the question $$$ )and sense the hotel said the would provide transportation to the conference we really only needed a ride to and from the airport (or so we thought). We checked in with the Taxi service first...hmmmm more than the shuttle online quote, so we went over to the shuttle service. Hello! That is the same price as the Taxi and w/ the Taxi we would could leave right then, just the two of us, no waiting on other stops along the way. So taxi it was! The service guy asked if we were newlyweds...LOL!  No, just two parents of two getting away for the first time! I could only imagine the look/comments we would have got had we said our first time away is centered around adopting! Ok so first time in a taxi...it was clean, smelled of burning incense and the music was assortment of indian tunes. It was a quiet ride to the hotel, I was taking in how beautiful MN is! Pine trees.....I miss pine trees! Maybe I am still floating on my emotional high from the airport but my spirit is at complete rest. Or maybe it's that Texas has taught me home is not where you live it is attitude, a spirit. I already miss my kiddos like crazy! However I know they are having a blast with Gram! I later find out that they had fun at 31 flavors  .31 cent scoop day. Later at the park Noah needed to use the potty but there was none in sight and no one in sight so his Auntie taught him how to go pee the nature way (Ahhhhhh!) I guess he must have been disturbed by it because he later mentioned that he did not want to go in the grass ever again. LOL!

                                             Looks like Madelynn had her fair share of fun :)

                                Can you see the sugar trance Noah is in! Thanks Aunt Jess!

  After settling in at the hotel we walked down the road to a nearby restaurant.



Only to order BBQ of course! LOL! It was yum! 

We also meet up with a really cool guy Jason Kovacs  at dinner ;) He is a pastor at our church and also works with this great organization http://www.abbafund.org/which helps adopting parents with interest free loans. It was really great meeting up with him and getting to hang with him throughout the rest of the trip! It was an amazing start to our trip and the conference had yet to begin!

to be continued .....

John Piper closing message @ Summit

I have been SO excited to share what I have learned, I hope I can do the speakers justice! It's taking a while to process it all. My brain was feeling like MUSH and I am slowly recovering! I wanted to start with John Piper first, he was the last speaker of the event and the message he shared really is a great place to start!

Things started of with a Q&A w/ John Piper. One of the questions asked was "How as women we can get our husbands on board with adoption?" There was a lot of chuckles in the audience.  His response was that "First men need to understand the Fatherhood of God" that "fatherhood is built into the very nature of the universe." and the universe is the story of the Father's love for his Son. Men need to get on board with fatherhood before they get on board with adoption." He counted the cost.... God poured Himself out for us! Now talk about a GOOD dad! We too need to count the cost (Luke 14:25-33) and learn from the greatest Father out there!

Another question asked "Do you see a tension/conflict in the cause between the passion for the cause of the fatherless and discipleship? His response : Yes. There are tensions everywhere!( This was said in a load kinda scolding way, however a very needed :) ) The most commonly used verse used by orphan care advocates is James 1:27 . But many of us stop with "to visit orphans and widows in their affliction" and don't continue with "keep oneself unstained by the world" OUCH! That is true....many times we lean more twords one or the other. We need both, His word says so. To be unstained from the world  is not to carry a  holier than though attitude, it's not about others! It is about Him and for Him! Apart from Christ our righteousness is filthy rags.

John Piper went on to say how we (Christians) get into each others faces with our tensions that we are passionate about when really we need to hold ourselves together! I have to add an AMEN here! Nathan and I  talk about how we did not know becoming parents would be so controversial, home birth vs. hospital birth, breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, cloth diapers vs. disposables etc. etc etc. Then all of a sudden these things becomes an issue of faith??? God help us! Pastor John goes on to say that from the moment we put our faith in Christ everything we do we do BY FAITH! That He is on our side 100% because of CHRIST! He is on my side, not "my virtue" . What comforting words to hear! Amen???

He goes on to teach about Hebrews 11:29-38 (The "By faith..." passages) That Paul said I die everyday! Not looking for a perfect life here, our perfect life is to come! what gets me is this:

 By faith ...Some will escape, by faith....some will die. By faith some will be experience miracles and some will experience great suffering. However HE will sustain our faith!

God is better than what life can give and what death can take! He is always with us, and for us! We need to keep our eyes on Him! He is our happy ending adoption story! 

The start to our trip...

Before we left for the Christian Orphan Alliance Summit we had two prayers requests 1. That we would leave knowing where we are adopting from. My heart has been so pulled for China. I did not want to start this process doing what "I" wanted if God had something different. #2 What agency we were to go with. The more I research the more I realize that finding an agency feels like dating all over again! I just want to find "the one" :) Most important though we really just want God to confirm again that this is His desire for our family. It's like what Jeff Mangum spoke about on Sunday at church. When going over and understanding the genealogy of Christ. It not only shows the history of Christs linage but it shows God's faithfulness to His promise. It shows that despite the messed up and broken people in there that HE remains faithful forever and always! Jeff was talking about how his daughter will pull out her baby book over and over and over again. Looking at the pictures wanting to hear the stories even though she knows them ALL, she is comforted and reassured and finds joy in hearing them told again. This message was comforting to me because that is where I am at right now. I can't deny the faithfulness of God in my life. How He has got us this far and yet I find myself asking Him for more and more reassurance. The amazing thing is....He is happy to oblige! His word is a lamp unto my feet and and a light unto my path. He places people in my life, events that show me

" YES I am here" "I am with you". I love that He does it too often when we are not expecting it. Our prayer was to leave the Summit with extra confirmation. He decided to not wait and give it to us before we even began the Summit!

We landed in MN and we stepped foot into the airport I looked off to left. There, in a nearby window was a reflection of a rainbow. This made me smile and I pointed it out to Nathan. Rainbows have always been special to me. Whenever I have ever gone through a rough or scary time I am always caught of guard by a rainbow, it speaks deeply to me. I feel God say " I promise, I am with you" and I am comforted. A few moments and steps later our breath was taken away we witnessed an adoption homecoming right before us! The little girl was welcomed with flowers and balloons, signs scribbled in crayon saying "Welcome Home Sallie!" Of course I start to cry! To see outpouring of love for this sweet girl... as we passed them I just could not keep my tear filled eyes off them. When I could not stretch my neck back any further, I turned to look forward and right in front of me starring back, face to face and in the arms of her daddy was a little Asian girl. The lump in my throat got even harder to hold. I have not even left the airport yet and I am going to be a bawling mess! As we continued to walk (with this sweet little girl right in front of me)I just kept praying " Really God?!? What are the odds that all these events would line up like this? You are really here! Thank you God! I can't believe this, but thank you!" What was happening in my heart at that moment can't even be put into words but I know God was at work!

To be continued....